"Just get to 6 weeks..."

“Just get to 6 weeks…”

It has been over two months since I blogged & got creative (I can’t quite believe it) and I am itching to get back to writing and designing but what can I say, motherhood is all consuming!

I remember when I told my best friend that I would be starting Chellebelle, amongst the delight and excitement she asked me when I thought I would be able to do all of this, after baby arrives. My answer… (Naively from within my ‘rose tinted glass’ world…) “During naps, quiet time and play time?!” I can safely say none of this ACTUALLY happens in my ‘real’ world! 

7 weeks ago today I gave birth to our little Wann, Oliver George at 1.40am following a traumatic induction of labour which lasted just under 32 hours from induction to birth. He weighed an impressive 8lbs 7oz and was the longest baby I have ever seen! Here he is the day he was born…

It has been a rough ride - some call parenting a rollercoaster and they are right. Genuinely the first 5 to 6 weeks were horrific, yes it is a strong word and I love our son dearly but honestly, it was really hard going. That makes me feel horribly guilty because I realise we are extremely blessed and lucky to be parents and he truly is wonderful but it really is like being hit by a train. I cried every day (sometimes more than once) and my all my friends said… “it gets easier, wait til 6 weeks”…“just get to 6 weeks and it will feel better” … “wait for that first smile and it will all feel worthwhile” and do you know what? They were so right! During the thick of the screaming, colic, reflux and sleep deprivation, mixed with feeling completely mystified about what to do for the best and wondering all the time what was actually wrong with him, I didn’t believe them. 

But they were right, I remember the first proper smile. I had called my mum mid-meltdown and she came home for lunch to calm us both. I was crying and she was playing with Ollie when he smiled. Proper full-on smile and in an instant, my tears stopped. How could I cry when this little monster was smiling? Could you continue crying faced with this?

It is getting easier (slightly) which I think has a lot to do with getting into a little routine and me starting to let go of the need for perfection which I hate to admit I constantly strive for. The house is not always tidy, we eat at ridiculous times and I don’t have a moment to myself but we are getting there. 

If I could give some advice to pre-mummy me I would say… “Nothing, yes NOTHING will prepare you; no blog, no book, no advice. Go with it and remember it isn’t forever. The sleepless nights, the baby crying and the feeling of being helpless aren’t going to last forever (she says full of hope) and likewise, remember (I am trying so hard to remember this…) your baby won’t be tiny forever, cuddly forever or need you forever. Enjoy the good and get on with the bad. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.”

And on that note, the baby is screaming again, so until next time!!


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